Living With Your Parents At An Adult Age
Once you move out on your own and have your own space, one would think that they would never live with their parents again. In some cases, they don't but in others, senior parents move in with their adult children for a wide variety of reasons. Some people will say don't think about letting your parents move in with you, just do it. For something this big, it needs to be thought out and certain things need to be planned through so that there are no hard problems later on.
Think about the relationship with your parents. Is it a good stable relationship that nothing is unresolved? If you do have unresolved issues, try to get them resolved before your parents move in. If not, there is the possibility that the issues could get bigger and cause family breakdown.
Do you have a good relationship with other relatives in your family? If you do not get along with a family member that your parents may have frequent contact with, that may cause misunderstandings and hard feelings.
Are your beliefs compatible? If your beliefs are not the same, ensure that the difference in beliefs or values will not be a problem or be willing to accept the opposite beliefs.
Also, when moving in senior parents, make sure you know where they are going to stay in your residence before they come. If both parties are wanting privacy, make sure the boundaries are laid out so that there is no confusion.
Think of if there will be enough room for all the parties to have their own private space or will something have to be shared?
Will there be a separate entrance for each party?
During social time, will the parent(s) be included? If there are kids, is there a babysitting arrangement for when the children are being watched/picked up, etc.?
How much privacy and downtime is each party expecting and/or requiring?
How will the common areas be handled? Will the communal areas be a free for all or is everyone expected to pitch in? Will bills be split evenly or included? How will it work if one person likes the heat turned up but the other wants to heat down?
Will everyone eat together? Will the meals be prepared and eaten all together or have more of a fend for yourself feel? Will the groceries for each party be bought separately or all together? How will kitchen clean up work?
Who will maintain the communal areas and the yard? Will it bother the other party if the private area is a mess?
Is there a possibility that mobility issues could arise?
Would there have to be renovations or mobile aids done to the house? If so, who will pay for them and do the upkeep?
Do your senior parents have a pet that would be coming to live with you as well? Would they get along with the existing pets?
If dementia arises, how will that be dealt with? Will someone stay with the senior parent while the rest of the family are away?
Like any living arrangements, there will always be the financial issue. Before senior parents move in, With finances, it is a great idea to be upfront and clear about what is expected of each side.
Can each party pay their own way? If not, who is paying for what?
How are you planning on splitting the house costs? Are both parties paying for something? Is one person making the payments and expecting money from the other?
If you are owning a home together, how are the parties going to deal with the house if one of you falls ill or can no longer live at the house?
Do either party know what will happen to the house if something was to happen? Do either parties know where the wills are kept?
Would it be beneficial for each party to know the other party's financial situation? If it is deemed necessary, do either party feel comfortable divulging that information?
Are other family members expected to help with out of pocket expenditure?
Another issue that may come up would be health issues. Is your senior parent moving in because they need the assistance, don't want to be lonely or moving in to help with family? If they are needing the assistance, make sure you know all the details about what they will need assistance with and how much. You can also not predict the future so there may be upcoming situations where there may be assistance needed even if it wasn't needed before.
Will your parent need assistance during the day? Do they need a homecare service to come in or a caregiver?
If assistance is required, what is needed and how can the assistance be achieved?
Will time be missed from leaving work to take your parent to an appointment or to come home and help them? Is there someone close by that may be able to assist?
If your parent gets worse, how will the extra care be achieved? Who will make the ultimate decision if they need a carehome or a homecare service?
Having a parent live with you can be tough. It is definitely not easy. There will be a flip in the caregiver role going from parent to child to child to parent and that can be hard to accept on both sides. Rules may also be put in place that the parent may not care for. Both sides should be open to respect what the other side is wishing for.
All these issues discussed above may seem like a lot of things to go through, but it would be easier to go through them all before the move in happens. Less conflict before and having the rules/expectations in place for each side is fair.